"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes." - Anonymous
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." - Kristian Wilson, Nintendo VP, 1989
"It's not that I condone fascism. Or any ism for that matter. Isms, in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off of people." - Anonymous
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." (Mark Twain)
Physics is like sex. Sure it has its practical purposes, but that's not why we do it. - Richard P. Feynman
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein
"Never miss a good chance to shut up." - Anonymous
“If a tree falls on a mime, does anybody care?” - Anonymous (Well, me actually)
"I miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving"- Anonymous
I'm sorry, I can't hear you from all the way up on your high horse. - Anonymous
I'm not drunk, dammit. I'm blonde.- Anonymous
"My karma just ran over your dogma..." - Anonymous
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience - Anonymous
Frankly, your argument wouldn't float were the sea composed of mercury. - Anonymous
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder - Anonymous
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! - Anonymous
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
- Anonymous
A friend in need is a pain in the arse. - Anonymous
A problem shared is still a problem - Anonymous
Before we fight, I'll warn you, I know Karate, Judo, Jujitsu... I know many Japanese words - Anonymous
"I'm gonna live forever, or die trying." - Anonymous
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." - Anonymous
"Clean laundry helps the confidence level, which helps the self image, which helps um, you win games, which makes you rich, which leads to greed, which leads to more money, which causes immense spending, which then triggers high anxiety, which causes a heart attack at the age of 31 and puts you in a coma for 10 years while you lose all of your money and you start at the beginning again!" --Benjer Petersen
A real warning on a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not use close to genitalia." - Anonymous
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears, Pop Singer
"I invented the internet". - Al Gore, former U.S. Vice President
"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." - Charles De Gaulle, former French President
If you give man fire, he will be warm for a day. If you set him on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life. - Anonymous
"Marriage is grand, divorce is 100 grand" - Anonymous
Simpsons
"...You don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in there every day and do it really half assed. THAT'S the American way!" - Homer Simpson
LISA “Dad, what’s a Muppet?”
HOMER “Well, it’s not quite a mop, and it’s not quite a puppet,
but maaaan, heheheheh...so, to answer your question, I don't know."
"This is the only working phaser ever built. It was fired only once, to keep William Shatner from making another album." - The Comic Book Guy
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping
its speed over 50, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think
it was called 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
---Homer Simpson
Do, Ra, Mi Beer--by Homer Simpson.
Do The stuff that buys me beer.
Ra The guy who sells me beer.
Mi The guy who drinks the beer.
Fa The distance to my beer.
So I think I'll have a beer.
La LaLaLaLaLa beer.
Ti No thanks I'm drinking beer.
Which brings us back to (looks into empty wallet) Do'h!!!!!!!
Lord of the Rings
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapting The Book For Hollywood
From a rec.arts.books.tolkien posting by David Salo <dsalo@usa.net>,
dated 15 September 1997.
TO: Miramax Studios
FROM: Storyline Editor
RE: 'Lord of Rings' story
Ok, Jack -- I read this grossly oversized book, and I think we can handle it, but we have got to slim-n-trim this one big time to get it into our 2:07 frame. Luckily, 2/3 of this book is just dead weight. Proposed cuts:
Merry and Pippin, or at least one of them. Too easy to confuse. Too
many Hobbits.
Sam. Sure, he's got the supporting role, but isn't Frodo's lone struggle against
impossible odds twice as heroic without him?
Faramir. Wussy, non-heroic character - all he does is to get shot and lie around
in agony. A waste of scenes. Better to keep Boromir alive, use him in later
scenes.
Imrahil. Who cares?
Saruman. Needless duplication of a villain.
Kingdom of Rohan & its inhabitants. Needless duplication of a kingdom.
Ents. Talking trees? Makes me think of 'The Wizard of Oz'.
Nine Black Riders. Reduce to three.
Some general critiques:
Dividing up the plot into two lines after they come down the Big River. No good. Keep the plot straight, have them all go to Minas Tirith, then all go to Mordor.
This reverse-psychology business with the Ring -- no good. Confuses the audience. Suggest new ending: Frodo takes the ring, then fights duel with Sauron. Big fight on Mount Doom. Sauron blasts him with electric bolts from his fingertips. Frodo lies dying on the mountain. Suddenly the Chief Nazgul says 'I am your father, Frodo,' picks up Sauron and throws him down the volcano. Big eruption. Segue to final ceremony scene. Whaddaya think?
P.S. Can we get some submachine guns in this story? Maybe studded with spikes all over to give them a medieval look?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The real LoTR prophecy says, "Three movies to delight them, Seven hundred Web pages to excite them, Nine trailers for the mortals coming to cry, One for the first mortals on their high speed thrones, In their home offices where their shadows lie, One more Web link to fuel them all, One English legend to find them, One director to bring them all, and in the darkroom bind them, In the Land of Zealand where the sets all lie.' - Anonymous
'If' (The poem people...)
If you can hold you head while all about you are loosing theirs.... you don't understand the problem.
George W. Bush - Slip ups
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
Before giving a speech at a campaign, Bush spotted Adam Clymer, a reporter for the New York Times, in the crowd. Someone turned on the microphone just in time to catch Bush saying to his running mate, "There's Adam Clymer, a major league A------ from the New York Times."
"Actually, I -- this may sound a little West Texan to you,
but I like it. When I'm talking about -- when I'm talking about myself,
and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me."
Hardball, MSNBC, May 31, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
Reuters, May 5, 2000
"I think we agree, the past is over."
On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News,
May 10, 2000
"Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is
sometimes until we get an objective analysis."
Meet the Press, April 15, 2000
"I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty
close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close
to California."
Los Angeles Times, April 8, 2000
"We want our teachers to be trained so they can meet the
obligations, their obligations as teachers. We want them to know how
to teach the science of reading. In order to make sure
there's not this kind of federal cufflink."
Fritsche Middle School, Milwaukee, March 30, 2000
"The fact that he relies on facts -- says things that are not
factual -- are going to undermine his campaign."
New YorkTimes, March 4, 2000
"It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton
in nature."
Los Angeles, Feb. 23, 2000
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000
"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have he
can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the
low road."
To reporters in Florence, S.C., Feb. 17, 2000
"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls
and principles, come and join this campaign."
Hilton Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000
"How do you know if you don't measure if you have a
system that simply suckles kids through?"
Explaining the need for educational accountability,
Beaufort, S.C.,
Feb. 16, 2000
"We ought to make the pie higher."
South Carolina Republican Debate, Feb. 15, 2000
"I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less I
pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm
more interacting with people."
Meet The Press, Feb. 13, 2000
"I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the
middle class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth."
Nashua, N.H., as quoted by Gail Collins, New York
Times, Feb. 1, 2000
"The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady
in my case."
Pella, Iowa, as quoted in the San Antonio Express News,
Jan. 30, 2000
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"
Concord, N.H., Jan. 29, 2000
"This is Preservation Month. I appreciate preservation. It's
what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve."
Speaking during Perseverance Month" at Fairgrounds
Elementary School in Nashua, N.H. As quoted in the Los
Angeles Times, Jan. 28, 2000
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."
Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000
"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen
and uncertainty and potential mental losses."
At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the
Financial Times, Jan. 14, 2000
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor
just like you like to be liked yourself."
At a South Carolina oyster roast, as quoted in the
Financial Times, Jan.14, 2000
"There needs to be debates, like we're going through.
There needs to be townhall meetings. There needs to be travel. This is a huge
country."
Larry King Live, Dec. 16, 1999
"The important question is, How many hands have shaked?"
Answering a question about why he hasn't spent more
time in NewHampshire, In the New York Times, Oct. 23, 1999
"Keep good relations with the Grecians."
Quoted in the Economist, June 12, 1999
" [British Prime Minister] Blair, Bush and [French President] Jacques Chirac
were discussing economics and, in particular, the decline of the French economy.
'The problem with the French,' Bush confided to Blair, 'is that they don't have
a word for entrepreneur.'"
Eh-hem. "Entrepreneur" is a FRENCH word.
While George W Bush was visiting Japan, he said the Yen was subject to 'Devaluation', and a few hours after the stock market almost crashed until one of the President's officials explained that Mr Bush had meant 'deflation of the Yen' instead of 'devaluation of the Yen'
"Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because
they have to say something."
-- Plato
To Prove That I am A Trekkie, Trekker, Whichever
"It's not unusual to be hit by anything, it's not unusual to be beaten all the time! And when I see you having your head bashed in again, it's not unusual to see me laugh. You're gonna die!"- Tom Jones singing to Jonathan Archer, Enterprise.
"Spock, The women on Vulcan are logical. That's the only planet in the Galaxy that can make that Claim." James T. Kirk
What if Star Trek Series 6 Was About Chef?
Chef, we're taking damage over here. What's going on?"
" Just a little trouble with the lobster..."
"There are two settings -- 'bake' and 'broil'. It would be best not to confuse them!"
"I need more powah! The grills are failin'!"
Ye cannae change the laws of gastronomics!"
"Ensign, set the oven to 350 degrees. ENGAGE!!!"
and
"You can't be afraid of food poisoning, Ensign!"
The chickens canna take it anymore, Cap'n!"
Ye cannae et Cow brains an no expect Mad Cow Disease!
"Hair nets up. Red Alert! All hands to kitchen stations! Ready the fryer! Load the grease! ACTIVATE THE OVEN!!!"
Quick, reconfigure the microwave oven to emit an inverse tachyon beam!
"If we realign the main delector array to allow the gravometric emissions to collide with our plasma wake and form minute rifts in subspace we ought to be able to shallow fry."
Iron Chef 5000km off the Starboard Bow, Cap'n!!!
Raise oven door! Polarize the frying plating!
Dammit Jon, I'm a chef, not a doctor!
"Eat long and prosper!"
If we were to go by the book Captain then
pounds would seem like ounces.
He's Bread Jim!
" but doctor, how do you know he DIDN'T invent transparent cookware?"
Fillet them, Lieutenant.
Microwave frequencies open, Sir.
Load all double baked potatoes, and set the ovens for Proximity Bake.
All Starfleet chefs had to go through the 'Masaharu Morimoto' 'no-win' scenario..."
"Ensign! Get that turkey out of there NOW!!!"
"Take her out, Ensign. Straight and steady--and don't spill the damn gravy!"
"Someday we'll have a directive telling us what to do--until then--yes, you can microwave a turkey!"